Father's Day Reflection

For some time I have wanted to get back into writing reflections or preaching sermons, but I have needed to (and will probably continue to need to) take a break. I am very much still on a road of recovery but I am seeing progress, whilst recognising that there is still plenty of road ahead. I had been wanting to write a reflection on ‘touch’, but the part of my brain that does all the introspecting and reflecting has been occupied by my therapy and some quite major world events.

However, today, as I walked home from work, I noticed that I was mulling over Father’s day. I was engaging with the tasks that needed doing, my responsibilities and my emotions that all tie up in Father’s day. I don’t have a relationship with my own biological father. It has been strained for the last few years and recent events have led me to completely distancing myself from him. I don’t like saying these words, as I feel that I’m betraying him by saying this, but on the whole my dad has left me with quite a number of emotional scars. It is not that he hasn’t done good or even great things for me at times, but nonetheless he truly has battered me mentally and emotionally, especially through the later teenage years and recently. Due to this, I find Father’s day to be quite painful. It reminds me of the hurt my dad has caused, and it highlights the lack of relationship that I have with my dad as well as any other Father figure. The other two Father figures I have had in my life have also been taken away from me: one passed away and the other is my ex-wife’s dad. I still communicate with my father-out-law (best way of making a bit of a funny out of a sore topic) but as you can imagine, the relationship is not, and cannot be, the same as it was when I was married to his daughter. He taught me a lot about what it was like to have a dad who was nurturing, gentle, kind, and loving. For that I will always be grateful.

So, as I walked home in the sunshine, carrying a bag of flowers from work, I started to recognise the dull ache in my heart. Who is my dad now? Who is my Father? It was then that I recognised that I do still have a Father. The words can sometimes be a tad trite, but there is our Heavenly Father. My Heavenly Father. Words that have been spoken and sung in church started coming back to me, I started to recall bits of scripture, which all refer to God as ‘Father’. For me, this is incredibly important. Before I carry on, I do want to note that I recognise that God doesn’t have a gender. It is also important to recognise the feminine aspects of God, and I hope to further write about God and gender at a later point. I am very fortunate that I have a mother who I get on with and look up to, as well as many, many women who have been mother figures for me. However, as a man, I notice that I don’t have many male role models. I don’t have many older men who I can go to for advice, learning, love or help. I struggle building positive relationships with men and as such I have struggled to build a positive relationship with my own masculinity and male-ness. Due to this I want, and to a certain extent I need, to relate to God as Father. I still need to approach my Father when I am in tears and say “Daddy, I need you”, knowing that in His strength and His masculinity, He can reach out and hold me and tell me that He loves me. For so long I haven’t had a father who has done that, I haven’t had a father that has told me I am loved, that he is there for me no matter what, that he is proud of me. For so long ‘father’ has been a painful word that has connotations of guilt, hurt, and pain. I know there are others who have similar pains and hurt, there are people who have suffered loss and abuse. I know that for some people it can be frustrating that on days like Father’s day and Mother’s day time is taken out to address the hurts, pains, and scars of those who do not find much joy in these days of celebration. However, it is important that we recognise that not all will be enjoying today.

For me there are two main bits of scripture which have come to mind: the prodigal son and Matthew 11:28-29. In the Matthew verse Jesus has been talking about God the Father revealing Himself to the world. He is talking about how God is letting Himself be known. It is in this context that Jesus says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” In the moments of God showing us who He is, He tells us to bring our burdens and to rest. Our Father gives us rest and helps us. He is not tiring, He is not demanding, He does not weigh us down or knock us down. Our Father picks us up and gives us rest. In the parable of the Prodigal Son, the Father runs to his son, wraps his arms around him and kisses him. That is how our Father loves us. Every time we come to Him, He wraps His arms around us and kisses us. He will always love us unashamedly, completely and with no reserve. That is our Father. That is my Father.

So for those of you who are still struggling with today, know that you aren’t alone. Know that you are loved. Know that you do still have a Father who loves you, and, if you are ready you’re more than welcome to join me in prayer. Today my prayer will simply be a whisper, as it’s still too painful to say it with a loud voice, and all I will need to pray is “Happy Father’s day Dad”